Lessons Learned

Sunday, March 1, 2009 - 14:57

Joelle and Ethan set up an alternative gift registry for their wedding.  Here they share how they told their guests:

 

The registry gave us a place to talk about how much we'd welcome nonmaterial gifts. We wrote:

"Please find below a registry for some of the gifts we'd most welcome. You'll see that some of these gifts won't come in boxes. It would be a gift to us if you:

* gave a donation to one of the organizations below or

* offset the climate impact of your travel to Waltham or

* helped us with a few household items (used or new) that we need or

* did something creative we haven't thought of yet or

* any combination of the above!

But needless to say, this is a celebration of love, not stuff. The greatest gift is your presence in our lives and at the main event on August 17; the rest is commentary!"

 

The Alternative Gift Registry also let us tell stories about each suggested gift, which was fun. For example:

"On his way to becoming a math teacher, Ethan taught in a wonderful summer program, the Breakthrough Collaborative (aka "Summerbridge"), which matches college students considering a career in education with middle school students from at-risk backgrounds in two dozen cities. First, click "Give Gift" at right. Then, donate here."

 

"Several years ago, Joelle took Ethan's spaghetti server with her to a Shabbat potluck, and it never returned. Help ensure that their marriage begins without any lingering shadow cast by this unfortunate episode! We'd love a replacement like this one ($12), either previously-loved if you've got an extra, or new."

alternative gift registry

Friday, November 14, 2008 - 04:17

From Shawn in San Diego:

With a little bit of effort and research the wedding of your dreams is possible on a budget. The key is to not give up and continue to look if you do not find something that fits within your pocket book. Be creative, check out the bridal magazines, see what they are doing and visit your local craft store to find ways to hand make the details. Most importantly, add eco-friendly touches where you can... being eco-friendly will never go out of bridal style!

Kate's Response: 

Shawn is absolutely right!  in fact, you can save up to 40% off the cost of your wedding by making simple green choices.  I recently wrote a short piece "Save $11,000+ by Going Green on Your Wedding Day."

I am also testing something new a just recorded a Yodio introducing myself and offering a few easy tips to save money and the environment.  Take a look!

 

Friday, October 17, 2008 - 00:32

Tara and Michael wrote:
If anyone is considering having an eco-wedding, the most important suggestion I have is hiring an eco-event planner. An eco-event planner is there to serve you, but they are also there to protect and serve the environment. On Green Lily's Events website, they sum it up very well when they say: “We believe that making responsible choices in the early stages of event planning can minimize waste and create a lighter footprint. Our mission is to create unique, eco-chic events that balance style with sustainability.” My wedding would not have been the same with the help of Green Lily Events.

Kate's comments:
Hiring a green wedding planer can take a lot of the pressure off you and can also expose you to new ideas and resources. Contact the Association of Bridal Consultants and ask for green event planners in your area.

Friday, October 17, 2008 - 00:24

Tara Wrote:
Having an eco-wedding in Houston is interesting because it is a new concept in our city so skepticism is normal but there was quite a bit of support from our guests. Overall, the reaction from our guests was positive, but we did receive some laughs and jokes along the way. I attribute that to people being scared of change.

Kate's Comment:
My husband Barry and I experienced this too - and we live in the North East. I think certain members of my family expected to show up and be forced to eat granola for three days and dance barefoot under the moon. While there was some granola, and lots of dancing, they were surprised and delighted to see that a green wedding can be (and often is) just like a traditional wedding in every way but one - it has less impact on the environment. I am glad to hear everyone rallied behind you on this special day!

Image: Spokesman Review Blog

Tuesday, October 14, 2008 - 19:39

Claire & Jose did something very clever. In addition to setting up a registry with Giftwisdom.com (which allowed them to take any product on the internet and put it on their registry) they offered guests other creative - and even FREE - ways to give as well. The following is taken from their website:

For Our Houston Guests:

If you were expecting a more traditional registry, please consider getting us a gift card from Whole Foods. We were not able to find an eco-friendly store in Houston that has a registry option. Whole Foods has a wide range of luxury home goods that would delight us.

If you choose not to give from the registry but still want to pay tribute to us, please do one of the following:

A. Make a donation to those with more pressing needs such as your favorite charity, or one below, and give in our names. Let us know to whom, and if you like, what you gave.

The Cystic Fibrosis Foundation
Boomer Esiason Foundation
Doctors Without Borders
Habitat for Humanity International
Humane Society of the U.S.
Make-A-Wish Foundation
Scholarship America
YMCA of Greater New York
National Transplant Assistance Fund

You can give FREE donations with 2 clicks by following these links:

TheRainforestSite.com
TheAnimalRescueSite.com
TheHungerSite.com
TheBreastCancerSite.com
TheChildHealthSite.com
heLiteracySite.com

Check out: http://www.changingthepresent.org/ to learn about giving gifts to charities in a loved one's name.

B. Make us or buy something that you know will be treasured and will not take up too much space in our small New York City apartment(s).

C. Ask us if we can use the gift you had in mind.

D. If you were thinking of having a shower for us please know that we would much rather spend quality time with you than have people watch us open presents!

Image: Jane & Phillips Wedding at Our Big Day

Thursday, September 25, 2008 - 00:11

From Ashley in Illinois:

"My husband, Dustin, and I had originally been planning a large, traditional, Southern wedding in Atlanta. As the date neared, the wedding grew and the budget exploded, and we realized that this wasn't the wedding we wanted. We both knew that you aren't supposed to hate your wedding, so we decided to scrap the big, Southern soiree and start anew- with a drastically reduced guest list, an even smaller budget, and the goal of creating a wedding that was a natural as the location in which it was set. My grandfather has a lung disease, and has to wear oxygen, so he has a very hard time traveling. It was more important for us to have my grandfather be able to attend the wedding than to have our extended family and all our friends from the south come, so we moved our wedding to my grandparents' backyard! We had a small, intimate wedding of only about 40 family members and close friends. Both Dustin and I are very close to my grandparents, Ron and Shirley, so we held our ceremony and reception in my grandparents' backyard garden. It was wonderful to have it there!"

Kate's Comment: I think Ashley's lesson is so important. Sometimes couples feel pressure from parents, friends and the wedding industry to have a "blow out" event. In fact, the average couple goes into $25,000 of debt to have their wedding! If you find yourself feeling like your wedding is running away from you find the courage to do what Ashley did - take a step back and make a new plan that is more in line with your beliefs and values. You will be happy you did.


Image: Anna Kuperberg

Hillary's Comment:
"I think it's so important not to let your wedding be co-opted by other people who want it to be a certain way--or by feeling pressured into doing certain things just because that's what everyone else does. Be creative! Buck tradition! It's all about inviting friends and family to celebrate the life you've chosen, so do it your way. Everyone always has a better time when the wedding reflects the couple's values and personalities instead of being just another cookie-cutter wedding."

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 - 02:47


Image: Snackfight

Never never never put candles in or around your port-a-potties! They can catch fire. It happened here folks, and it was VERY bad.

~Kay

Kate's comments: Yikes. I am SO sorry! I hope everyone is okay. To those reading this I suggest investing in LED votives. They will give you the ambiance without the risk.

Monday, August 25, 2008 - 04:15

Lisa Yuen and Kevin Rhoads contacted the couple who was using their wedding venue the next day and coordinated their chair rental. This is a great way to save money and to decrease your environmental footprint (because the equipment only needs to be delivered, set-up and broken-down once). Don't be shy about asking your venue about other couples. Good "share items" include tents, tables, dance floors, lighting, and chairs. Some couples share flowers, candles, and other decor items as well. There is no harm in asking.

Friday, August 15, 2008 - 04:34

Instead of buying a bridal gown, Alissa Harvey chose this lovely white bridesmaid's dress. "My dress was actually a bridesmaid dress that cost less than $250--a great tip for budget-savvy brides. Many of those bridesmaid dresses come in lots of colors including traditional ivory or white. Mine had a gorgeous sapphire sash around the waist to coordinate with my sapphire wedding and engagement rings."

Non-wedding dress options often require less fabric to make and are easier to recycle. If you or your maids wear bridesmaid's dresses consider donating them after the wedding to The Cinderella Project or The Glass Slipper Project.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008 - 23:00

Joann, a professional designer, who had her wedding on a vineyard in California last fall suggested using seasonal colors as a way to enhance decor (and save money).

"My theme colors were blood orange, dark red and brown. Because we got married in September, and we knew the vineyard was turning into those colors, we picked that combination to accent the surroundings. It's a good tip to consider if you dont have a specific color that you must have, and you dont want to spend/decorate too much on creating a whole new color palette against the existing environment."

Image from Jewelry by Cheryl

Friday, July 25, 2008 - 22:04


Photo Credit: Minnpost.com

Patricia wrote in sharing an important wedding lesson - if you plan to have cameras for guests to use - don't let the kids do all the picture taking!

"Children should be supervised in using the cameras or else they take pictures that you can not use. It is hard in a wedding situation as everyone is having a good time and not really paying attention to what the children are doing or the amount of photos they are taking. We had 2-3 cameras [full of pictures taken by kids] that seemed a little wasteful."

So that kids can still get involved, she suggests couples "just single out 1 camera just for the kids" and put an adult in charge of making sure they each get a turn.

Sunday, July 20, 2008 - 05:02
bride eating KFC
Photo by Heidi Huber / California
nervous groom
Photo by Antonis Giannelis / Greece
bride eating KFC
Photo by Heidi Huber / California
nervous groom
Photo by Antonis Giannelis / Greece

I found these photographs on Divine Caroline as part of their photo contest "More Wedding Photos We'll All Remember." (Definitely worth looking through the entire collection!). I wanted to share them because I think they illustrate an important point - you may be dressed up, you may be surrounded by everyone you ever knew, but you will still be you and your spouse will still be your spouse so DON'T WORRY! Try to relax, enjoy your special day and remember that it is just a big party. Have fun and let your personalities shine. Don't sweat the small stuff. If something goes wrong, just fix it. If you forget your line, smile and ask the officiant to repeat it (or look at your hand). If your cake falls over in transit, have a friend run out and buy your favorite childhood snacks for everyone. Your wedding may not be perfect. Life isn't perfect. You two can weather any storm - that is why you are getting married!

Thursday, May 29, 2008 - 23:45

Kassie and Andy bought flowers from a local flower farm. But Kassie said,"we underestimated the amount of work it would be to set them up - thank God one of our neighbors turned out to have been a florist in a past life!"

My mother did the flowers for my wedding as well and reported the same thing. In fact, she ended up enrolling my grandmother and cousin to help her set up the flowers on the chuppah and lots of friends had to help out with the rehearsal dinner and reception set up. I think the experience is best depicted with the picture I have of my mother literally pulling her hair out (which I cannot show here out of respect to her).

So what is the lesson? Enroll EXTRA help if you plan to do your own flowers. You can always let your friends head back to change early and you will not leave anyone pulling their hair.

Thursday, May 15, 2008 - 19:48

If you are planning green elements for your wedding let your guests know form the beginning. A lot of couples include a page in their program or on their website highlighting some of the eco-friendly elements they have included in their planning. Suzanne Parmet & Michael Whelan, added a comprehensive "green choices" page to their website with the following information:

Green Choices We've Made

This Website
We are using this website because it enables us to reduce the amount of paper needed to share important information with each of you. (We also think it's an easier - and more interesting - way to accomplish these goals.) Instead of sending you each a lot of cards with information about events, printed updates as details change, and reply cards with envelopes, you can instead find out everything you need to know and RSVP right on this site. Any paper product you do receive from us will be on recycled or tree-free paper. (For example, the cover wrapper and envelope liner for our invitations are made from mulberry & sugar cane paper. The printed sheets and envelopes are made from milkweed post-consumer recycled paper. And, the thread tying it together is linen.)

Wedding Location
We chose Bethesda as the location for our wedding weekend because it is easy to get here by mass transportation. And, all of our events are located within a short walk from the hotels we recommend and from one another so you will be able to get around without driving.

Reuse & Recycling
Only reusable plates, glassware, silverware and linens will be used during the wedding reception. And, any recyclable products used at our house on Saturday will in fact be recycled.

Carbon Offset
Travel, whether by air or by car, emits large amounts of CO2 into the atmosphere, and for most weddings is the biggest contributor to the wedding's carbon footprint. We plan to calculate the carbon footprint of our guests' travel and buy carbon offsets to compensate for the emissions. One donation recipient we are considering is the Green Communities Offset Fund, which raises funds to support the development of green, carbon-reducing (more energy efficient) homes for low income families. (If you'd like to match our donation for your carbon footprint, see Offset Your Carbon Footprint in Green Choices You Can Make below.)

Food Selections
Our menu will offer mostly vegetarian choices. Raising cattle uses much more energy than growing vegetables. And, according to the US Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), chemical and animal waste runoff from factory farms is responsible for more than 173,000 miles of polluted rivers and streams. Runoff from farmlands is one of the greatest threats to water quality today. Agricultural activities that cause pollution include confined animal facilities, plowing, pesticide spraying, irrigation, fertilizing and harvesting.

Green Choices You Can Make

Travel Options - Getting to Bethesda
Please consider mass transit options.

If traveling by car, please don't travel alone. (Let us know if you'd like us to find a fellow traveler from your area with whom you may be able to share the ride.)

Travel Options - While In Town
Getting to Bethesda Events:
Please walk to the events. Everything is located within a 5 - 15 min walk from the Hyatt, the Residence Inn and the Bethesda Metro Station, and about a 10 - 20 min walk from the Doubletree. If you do drive, please car pool.

Getting to DC: Take Metro. Check the WMATA website (or ask us) for details on how to get to and around DC using Metro.

Use The Internet
RSVP: Please RSVP through our website (or by phone) rather than use additional, unnecessary paper.

Gifts: If you plan to get us a gift, please select it from the online gift registries (linked to this website) or another website, when possible, rather than traveling to a store to shop.

Offset Your Carbon Footprint
You can calculate your carbon footprint for traveling to our wedding (by using a carbon-footprint calculator such as www.carbonfund.org/site/pages/individuals/category/Carbon%20Calculators/). Then balance all or some of your emissions by buying carbon offsets. Some options include making a contribution to Native Energy (www.nativeenergy.com), an offset company that invests in renewable energy projects on Native American land, to Carbon Fund (www.carbonfund.org), which supports renewable energy, energy efficiency and reforestation projects, or to an environmental group that works on climate change issues such as Natural Resources Defense Council (www.nrdc.org).

Tips for More Sustainable Living & Home Operating

Reduce Energy Consumption
Use Energy Star rated appliances; use electricity during off-peak hours; bake with glass or ceramic pans, instead of metal; spot clean stains to minimize the times you use the washing machine; use rechargeable batteries; use a laptop instead of a desktop computer; use an LCD (liquid crystal display) rather than a CRT (cathode ray tube) monitor; put your computer in sleep or standby mode rather than using a screensaver; don't use an electric blanket or only turn it on for a brief period to warm up the bed before going to sleep; use a voicemail service instead of an answering machine; wear an extra layer of clothes in the winter instead of turning up the thermostat; use a power strip for electronics and unplug them when off (e.g. TV, DVD / VCR / CD player); use ceiling and pedestal fans; turn off appliances when not in use; use compact fluorescent lightbulbs; plant trees around your house to provide shade; use an Energy Star approved tankless hot water heater; if not in the market for a new heater, insulate water pipes to reduce heat loss; insulate at least the first 6 feet of pipe from the water tank; hang clothes to dry rather than use a clothes dryer; caulk and weather-strip exterior doors and windows; choose double pane, over single pane, windows; if you already have single panes, install storm windows; use a storm door with your exterior door; install programmable thermostats; get a home energy audit

Reduce Fuel Consumption
Walk, bike or take public transportation, rather than drive a personal car, when you can; when public transportation doesn't work, carpool; drive a hybrid car; properly inflate tires and keep the engine tuned; reduce the load in your car; avoid aggressive driving (speeding, rapid acceleration, and hard braking)

Reduce Water Consumption
Turn off water when not being used (for example, don't run the water while you're brushing your teeth or shaving); restrict water flow with a faucet aerator; use a low-flow or dual flush toilet or, if you have a pre-1994 model, adjust the float valve to admit less water into the tank; run the dishwasher when it's full, rather than hand washing; use a short cycle; if dishes need pre-rinsing, fill a bowl with water or wet a sponge, rather than continually run water; use drought-resistant plants and grasses for landscaping; keep your lawn small; use native plants, efficient irrigation, and mulch (to slow erosion and evaporation); group together plants with similar watering needs

Recycle & Reuse
Recycle all materials that you can (e.g. paper, plastic, glass, metal, rechargeable batteries); use post-consumer recycled paper products (e.g. paper towels, tissues); look for recycling labels on packaging; use re-useable bags for shopping; if you don't want to buy a re-useable bag or forget to bring one with you when you shop, reuse the bags you receive (for your next shopping trip, for your garbage, to put out your recycling, etc.) and choose paper over plastic; avoid buying plastic bottles (e.g. use filtered tap water instead of bottled water)

Avoid Petrochemicals; Select Natural Products
Use cleaning and hair products made from plant-based ingredients; select no or low VOC paints; use environmentally friendly cat litter (such as pine sawdust from mill waste, straw pellets, newspaper); buy dry pet food in cardboard boxes or paper bags; choose mercury-free thermostats, thermometers, and switches; choose low-mercury fluorescent bulbs; dispose all mercury-containing materials (including fluorescent bulbs, old thermostats, mercury light switches, and old batteries) at hazardous waste drop-off sites; choose organic clothing, bedding & towels

Tuesday, April 22, 2008 - 21:24

Watching the tape [of our wedding] this past week for the first time, I realized that a bunch of people didn't put the mic close enough to their mouths, and were super hard to hear -- and everyone was too polite to say anything. I wish I'd designated someone to make sure everyone was loud enough and if they weren't to actually say something to them in the moment. - Justin

Kate's Comment: I have heard this complaint from a number of couples. It is always a good idea to have someone in charge of monitoring people holding the mic- making sure they speak loud enough, are not taking too much time (I have been at a few weddings with a 5 minute rule and think it is a good idea), do not start telling inappropriate stories, etc. This is a good role for a best man or savvy friend.