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Engagement season is officially upon us and there are thousands of brides-to-be racing to their nearest laptop or iPhone to spread the news. If you’re sporting some new bling (or anticipating it’s pending arrival), congrats! But before you change your relationship status on Facebook (more on this later) read through these quick etiquette tips that will help you start this new season of life on the right track. 

+ Parents +

They gave you life, went to all of your dance concerts and co-signed on your first car loan. They’ve officially earned the “first to know” right. Traditionally the brides’ parents are told first then the grooms’. I think that tradition started when mail was still delivered on horse back and in today’s world of warp speed communication, I think this can be left up to your discretion. The most important thing to keep in mind here is that your parents need to hear the news from you directly, preferably in person or over the phone. Email or texting should be reserved for those whose parents are undercover CIA agents and you have no other means of communication.

+ Immediate Family & Close Friends +
Next in line are those who are related to you by blood and your best friends since kindergarten. How close you are to the people in this group geographically and emotionally should determine how you spread the news. If your sister who is also your bestie lives two miles away, you’ll likely stop over to show off your new rock. If she lives two time zones away Skype or Facetime might have to suffice. If you know your cousin will be hurt that he found out via Twitter, give him a call. Use your best judgement to decide how to tell all of these dear people, but always default to the most personal form of communication possible.

+ Everyone Else +
After your parents, family, college roommates and your husband-to-be’s fraternity brothers have all heard the news, you’re now free to tell the world. Most likely this will take the form of a mass email, your blog, Facebook, Twitter and whatever other forms of social networking you use. Until the birth of the internet, announcing your engagement through the local newspaper was a popular method of spreading the word. Today, this seems like an unnecessary, eco-un-friendly and costly step to take. Another option that is slightly more formal than a status update and much greener than a newspaper ad is an e-card. Pick a cute design, add a picture or two of you and the fiancé and viola. I like using pingg for these types of digital cards because they’re free and you can send it to contacts via email, Facebook, and Twitter. You can also consider more traditional mailed announcements made using eco-friendly materials and practices.

(Note: For the fellow social media addicts in the crowd, consider this true story before plastering your wall with DIY wedding ideas. As my dear friend announced her engagement and planned her wedding she used Facebook to share her excitement with friends and family. She was tactful and not by any means over the top about it. A few weeks before the blessed event, a former co-worker of hers who had lived out of state for quite some time and hadn’t seen my friend for years, but was friends with her on Facebook, announced that she had made her travel and accommodation arrangements for the wedding. Problem was, she wasn’t invited. Difficult conversations followed and all ended amicably, but if you want to avoid awkward situations and wedding crashers, use this story as a filter before your step by step wedding day plans go public.)

Consider the juggling of your engagement announcement calendar a trial run for the insane amount of details you’ll be handling while planning your wedding over the next few months. Yes, it’s a lot to remember, yes some of it seems archaic and unnecessary, yes you’re bound to upset someone, and yes, there is no one “right way” for every couple. Make an effort to share your exciting news with the important people in your life first,  strive to use the most personal forms of communication possible, use tact and grace when talking with your single friends or those who you know might not be thrilled for you, and remember to occasionally take a deep breath and relish the moment for yourself.

Bio:

Melanie Little is the owner and designer behind Paper Mango, where she creates affordable, fresh wedding invitations with an eco-friendly flair! She’s also a social media addict and you can find her tweeting away as @papermango.

Photo Credit: Jasmine Amber Photography

So you’ve received the responses back, have the menu figured out, the flowers on order and the DJ loading up the playlist.  The details are falling into place!  “Day-of” stationery needs are next on your to-do list.  But if taking a look at this step with your green goggles on, you may hesitate at the amount of “extra” paper today’s bride could possibly indulge in.  Just to start the list, you’ve got programs, place cards, menu cards, table numbers, favor tags… oh my!

Don’t fret, green bride.  Verify that your printed products are at the very least printed on 30% post-consumer waste paper.  This is the paper industry’s minimum to qualify for “recycled content” labels, so getting to 30% of the good recycled stuff shouldn’t be difficult.  The next question should be, “Is the paper recyclable” (because not all papers are)? In any papers that are “shiny” and metallic, the shiny content must be made of organic materials in order to be recycled. You can’t stick the glossy, coated or otherwise “sparkly” papers into ye old recycle bin.

Ok, your paper is recycled, recyclable and the next and final step is making sure you actually recycle it!  Now this may take some creative thinking.  How many weddings have you been to where, as you’re wiping your eyes and walking away from the ceremony, you look back and, oh the horror!  Programs are strewn all about!  What do you think that wonderful church janitor is going to do with those?  (Hint: Compost them to the parish worm bin is NOT the answer.)  And the bride, of course, is thinking about other things.  Like, “Oh my god- I just got married, where’s the photographer, is my grandma doing ok, how’s my lipstick look?”  So put some time into the recycling thought process before the big day.  And the answer is… a Recycling Ambassador!  Ladies, let’s retire the useless “guestbook attendant” role and start adopting the Recycling Ambassador.  Be bold and put the title and credit right on the programs. Say it proud!

What is a Recycling Ambassador, you ask?  This person’s mission, shall they choose to accept, is to follow behind at each step of the ceremony and reception and gather up the paper products.  The programs are distributed, and then immediately following the ceremony scooped up.  Give them a decorated bin (most likely the same bin you used to bring them to the ceremony site) for depositing recyclables.  After the meal, the menus can be collected, and toward the end of the night, the table numbers, place cards, etc. etc.  At Spilled Ink Press, we always offer to take back the paper products from our clients and recycle them on their behalf. You know, so they can enjoy their honeymoon without recycling remorse. 

If your stationer hasn’t offered this service and you don’t want to worry about it yourself, make sure your Ambassador has access to a paper recycle program- perhaps your venue even has a receptacle in the building.  If this same person is going to the post-wedding brunch, where perhaps gifts will be opened and cards read- be sure those now disposed of envelopes and cards end up in the bin as well!  After all, how many showers have you been to where the wide-eyed little ones circle around the bride on the floor and want nothing more than to snatch up the ribbons and wrapping paper and be the “helper” of the day. Imagine granting your niece--who was too old for the flower girl gig, but too young to be a bridesmaid--the “Recycle Maid” position!  Your wedding day will be that much more green, and your friends and family will be happy to fill this special role.  Done and done!

Written By Amanda Eich of Spilled Ink Press

Amanda Eich is half of Spilled Ink Press, a husband and wife team of former architects with green hearts that now design custom wedding invitations, party invitations, stationery of all kinds, and greeting cards.  It’s a long story that she’d be happy to tell you over a cup of coffee. Spilled Ink Press is located in Chicago, Illinois.

Photos By Gerber + Scarpelli Wedding Photography